Impatiently expecting not reality

I write about you a lot.

But I guess I can't fill my mind with anything else.

I have spent countless hours thinking about you.

And what ever you think about, I guess that's where you're going to write from your heart. 

I think people are starting to forget that fact that you're gone.

Maybe they aren't forgetting.

Maybe they just cope with it better than me.

But I can't get you off my mind.

I can hardly live knowing that you're not here.

It's so unfair to me.

I'm a nobody. 

I have hardly any exceptional talent that I contribute to this world.

And there you were changing everywhere you went.

You made things more beautiful.

I sit by your grave.

Atleast once a week.

Every time I leave the house my mom asks where I'm going.

I think I'd worry her if I visited you more often then I do.

I snuck over last week though.

That's a perk of living so close to it.

I can just pop over to talk to you whenever.

I can't wait to see your head stone.

I never thought caskets could be beautiful, but yours was.

I told Anna it looked like your eyes.

And it did.

I wonder if your headstone will reflect anything of you.

We went to wooden park with Kylee. 

She's starting to do better, but that day was so sad.

She hasn't been quite herself since.

It breaks my heart. 

She laughed at the puppy barn, and that was such a good sign. 

The little Yorkie bit a hole in her sleeve.

It wouldn't let go. 

And she smiled and laughed and I was so glad she did.

I wish it would've been open casket.

I know that's a really odd wish, and it's not cause I wanted to see the damage that damn train did.

But because I'm still living in a fantasy.

Maybe seeing you in that lovely blue casket I would accept the fact and I would stop waiting.

But it wasn't.

And here I am.

Still waiting.