thank you, darling boy

I saw your curls.

I saw them while at Smiths.

We went up the Canyon, and I swear I saw them in the group of kids next to our fire pit. 

I saw them in the 100 hall, and then again in the Seminary building.

I see them everywhere. 

Every time it makes me SO excited. 

I follow the curls till I can see their smile, and once I do, I realize it's not you.

I'm so dumb because every time I see it I think it's you.

Sometimes I guess I only imagine the curls, but others, I see them, plain as day,

I see them. 

I know they're different boys and I know that they just have the same hair style, but it keeps me hopeful. 

Sometimes I get mad.

I get so angry at them because how dare they give me that moment of hope.

They remind me of my sadness, and the empty hole you left. 

How dare they convince me that you're actually right in front of me.

But in the end, I'm actually grateful.

I'm grateful for that hope.

For that reminder that even though you're not here physically, I know you're always here with me.

I don't know how to explain it.

But I can feel you around.

I see your eyes as I look at the sky.

I hear your laugh every time a funny story about you is shared.

I feel you near me every so often.

Like when I was sitting next to the statue, I looked up and saw the angel protecting the soldiers and I knew that was what you were doing. 

You're protecting your family, you're protecting your friends, you're protecting me, and you have no clue how much that really means.

I feel you near me.

I know you're there.

So, Thank you.